The great vacation debate

NOTE: I wrote this post almost two weeks ago, the morning of my chemo appointment, so my mood was gloomy. I don’t like to be a complainer, but just needed to get something off my chest.  Just so you know.

On Monday night my husband and I got to have a real date night. Using a very generous gift card that someone anonymously gave us from my daughter’s first grade class (I know, can you believe we had a secret Santa) we ventured out first to the bookstore then to a very fancy restaurant not far from home. I had the oven-roasted duck breast which was just heavenly.

Before getting to the restaurant, I brought up the subjects of vacations. Due to my Mother’s illness the first half of 2008 and then my own diagnosis shortly thereafter, we didn’t go anywhere as a family. Having been used to either taking one big trip a year or a few smaller ones, this was a disappointment for the year. But when I brought up where we should go for vacation this summer*, when I am finished with my treatment, my husband right away said “don’t get your hopes up, we might not be able to afford one in 2009″ and in very grown up fashion I began to cry. I know, not very adult like, but the tears just came.

Let me mention here that my husband is very careful with our money. When we were both working full time we made double payments on our mortgage and now have a monthly payment similar to most people’s car payments. So, he is frugal and it has gotten us a lower mortgage payment and peace of mind when it comes to our finances. He pointed out that there have been medical bills that we’ve had to pay lately and not to mention the extra help we have hired to take care of the baby during the day while I recover from my chemo treatments. All in all, we finished out the year with a few thousand dollars flying out of our wallets.

But, when I found myself upset, I didn’t think about how much money we’ve had to spend since I became ill, but just thought that after having to endure the crappy year that 2008 has been, after watching my mother become ill, after having to speak at her funeral the day before my 35th birthday and going through multiple surgeries and now chemo, well then, don’t I deserve a vacation?

Shouldn’t I be able to put my feet in the sand, put on a wide brimmed hat and watch my kids play in the waves someplace nice and warm for a week? Can’t I go someplace where no one knows that I have cancer, or that I lost my mom last year?

* please don’t feel all that bad for me – in 2007 we traveled on vacation to Jamaica and then found ourselves in China a few months later. Plus in the last six years I’ve been to Hawaii three times (the picture above I took at Hanama Bay on Oahu). Not so bad, right?